we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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