miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
