You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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