In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
