Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
