Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
