You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
