I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
cat food counts as protein by the way
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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