i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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