I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
