i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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