Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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