everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
