First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Randomize
