Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
