We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
