She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
