Four minutes until I can fart!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
