I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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