$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
