i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
