I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
