Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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