I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize