first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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