Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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