Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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