I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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