I hate all girls vehemently.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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