what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
