i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
