but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
