Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
