Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
