I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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