Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
