Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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