Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
