Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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