True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
