Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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