How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
