is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So much Jack, so little girl.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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