Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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