I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
