Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
