So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sobbing to NWA
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