They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize