So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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