whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You should frame my arrest warrant.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize