he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
