Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
