I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
