just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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