I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
