you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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