mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i don't like sucking hair
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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