Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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