I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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