Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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