I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
