I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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