I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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