If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize