Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize