I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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