that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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