She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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