Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize