I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
