Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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