I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
