Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
