i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
