just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
