Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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